December 2009 – カルロスの伝説

Four U

How it ends... That my friends is the question everyone want to know but they are so afraid as well.

I will tell you how this ended… It ended … well. Nothing more than some external and internal wounds, some are healing faster than others but anothers are taking too much time to heal.

So, what happened?

I finished this semester.
I made more drawings. (Yes… for… well, you know)
I had one nice day thanks to a friend of mine.

End of semester.

It ended well, I guess I will have a nice general grade but I will wait until I know it. But in general I did a good job, I mean, after all I went through I can say that I did my best, but I will go over that next year and I will do better.!

I made more drawings.

Fragile

Yeah I did…. 11 drawings. I made 3 envelopes; the normal envelope with just one drawing, the Christmas envelope, and the happiness envelope. Two of them have been opened already. So now just one drawing remains unknown, (not so unknown as I´d wished, but unknown at the very end). Many people have asked me why I made ´em? And the answer my dear readers is that; even when are not with that significant other (and maybe you never will) somewhere inside your body, you feel you need to do something for that person. You already know that no matters what you do, what you say, you wont get what you want, you just will be (so sad) “the second best”. Being the second in a race is not that bad, I mean, you were so close of the 1st but finishing in 2nd is also great, you just need more training and with some luck you will reach first next time. But the situation is so damn different in other cases, where finishing in 1st is so important that finishing in second only makes you think “why did I participate?”, and you never find a respond to this question. As soon as you realized that you did “everything” and you just try and try to create new stuff or new and never-seen-before ways to say the same thing (愛してる) but no one works… you just feel you have lost your time and imagination. Nevertheless when you see that smile (so amazing), those eyes (that you wish they could see you everyday) and those lips saying just 2 words “thank you”, you feel that the time spent in every single stroke you made, or the time you spent thinking what was next, was not time waisted, because at the end and deep inside you, the only thing you wanted to do is to give a single second of happiness to someone else, knowing that “that” could not bring you the same happiness at you after some days.

Unknown

So dear readers, If you know me, I bet you have told me at least once that I should just get over it, but one part of me doesn´t want to, because “They say the more you fly, The more you risk your life” and people if I had to die because I am flying so high then I will die. But read this careful; I will stop my flying right before I die and I will think if it is worth a shot to keep flying.

It´s being so hard just to try to forget, to stop thinking, to stop feeling. Anyway I don´t expect that you read this, but if you do, if one day you read this post, I just wanna say “thanks” for showing me how it feels to truly love someone, to dream on someone and really wake up feeling happy! So thanks!

But for now ( I got it) I will just give time for me (maybe for someone else haha, kidding, “maybe not”)

Thanks to a friend I had such a nice day.

I went to the movies the other day with a friend, one that I never thought I would go out with. And when the day ended I realized and I saw why I started drawing some day, I remembered that I did it because her eyes are so pretty that to draw them was a challenge that I want to do once again some day. So thanks for giving me back that reason to draw, you will have your drawing soon…